This is probably the only post that will be from THE Elder Christensen.

If you are reading this you probably know me and are close to me so I won't really describe myself...

But today is Sunday May 02, 2010. I get set apart tomorrow as a MISSIONARY for the church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints at 8:30 P.M. These last couple days have been a whirl-wind but I still have yet to fully grasp the concept of flying to Brazil Tuesday morning so I'm betting the coming days will just OWN me from the inside out as far as craziness goes. I am so excited to head off into the unknown, and am ready to tackle any challenge that comes my way. My mom and dad taught me right, and I am so thankful to you all of you that prepared me for getting this far. You all know who you are

Anyways the blog that follows will pretty much just be a post of Emails that are from me to my family and friends, and it will be a good way to see me progress through my mission first hand. Even if my emails aren't necessarily to you don't feel weird about reading them. I want as many people to share this experience with me as I can.

God be with all of you until we meet again. You'll need it while you don't have me to bestow my presence upon you. haha. I'll see you all in a couple years.


Send Me A Letter, I Miss You.

Elder Michael Scott Christensen
Brazil São Paulo Interlagos Mission
R. Euzébio de Souza, 121
Jardim Londrina
05638-100 São Paulo - SP

Apr 25, 2011

easter=kill judas iscariot‏

So to start things off, no the pics never went through but it isn't because of inbox space because I have 7GB free still. I think it is because of outdated lan house browsers that I cant see them because there are a bunch of blank boxes... but who knows.

But yeah, easter is nuts here. The first thing I noticed is that they give chocolate eggs to EVERYONE that are hollow. Sometimes they put video games in them, or more chocolate, or sometimes nothing. And the kids get presents. But that is not way out of the norm right? well, then one day we were walking down the street at night and this policemen stopped us and I was like "what gives broseph?" and he told me that there was a parade coming. Then for the next 10 minutes people walked by super slow. The guy in front was dressed up like jesus and was dragging a giant cross across the ground/kind of on his shoulders. Then there were roman gaurds with him. Then a lot of catholic preists walking behind him in preist robes with their hands together prayer style. From what I gathered from local people it is supposed to be a reinactment of what really happened, and I don't really remember the priests in the bible being catholic, but it was a nice addition. Then there are just all the members of the catholic church walking behind them in normal clothes with candles. neat.

Then like a couple days later, someone told me they almost died in a car accident that same day. And so, I asked how the car accident happened, and he was like "because of JUDAS." So apparently it happened like this: they were driving down the street and saw someone laying in the road, so they swerved to miss him and almost hit another car and like spun out and when they stopped they ran to go see who was in the street so that if it was a drunk they could get him to the sidewalk or something. When they got to the guy in the street they saw it was a dummy and they were like "oohhh, it's JUDAS!!!" and ran and got in their car and ran it over a few times and then left. So that story left me dumb founded. Upon further inspection they informed me that on easter you get a dummy and dress it up like judas iscariot and find creative ways to beat it to death in defense of the ressurected savior. While it makes little sense to me, I find it quite funny and exciting. In most churches I have seen around here lately there are all these little kids like knifing judas iscariot in the neck and stuff. They sure hate judas. So that is fun.

Other than that we are just learning portuguese and how to be a missionary. My companions name is Elder Burkett. He is from Pennsylvania and is a farmer. He loved to work on cars and then do crazy stuff with them before the mission and is super laid back and humble and a hard worker. I think he is hilarious. One example of a normal quote is "One time, I grabbed one of those Dodge Ram sport 2 wheel drive trucks in it with a bad engine, and it had another engine in the back. So I put the other in and it still didn't work. So then I got frustrated and put a 5.9L 360HP in it. I had to cut the oil pan to get it in there, but now if you give it some gas, you can peel the those tires right off." Also one time, he cut a four-wheeler in half and put a street bike engine in it and then put it back together and then took it to like 150mph. And everytime he tells these stories it is really slow and like an old man. And he loves working hard which is the coolest because he is ready to do whatever and never complains even though I am pushing him a lot. He is going to be a really good missionary too because even though he doesn't really speak portuguese, I can tell his heart is in the right place. So that is fun.

All in all he is a great kid, and this is a great ward, and even though this week went incredibly slow the members are giving refferals and we are going to get a lot done here.

To end I am going to try to remember a George Albert Smith quote I read this last week. please excuse the butchering... "Every happiness and every joy that has ever been worthy of the name has been a result of obedience to the commandments of God, and following his council."

Life is simple. I love you all and I hope you all have a great week. Laterssss.

Apr 18, 2011


So first of all, I think it is funny that years later highschool track coaches from other schools remember who I am. The funny thing is that they probably remeber me as some kind of super serious scary looking retard. Little do they know I would generally take naps and enjoy witty banter while wearing a fake mustache before throwing at track meets. But oh well, don't burst their bubbles.

But there are a few stories from this week that were somewhat out of the norm. We found out that a kid that is a recent convert to the church is also the son of the 6th best female distance runner in the world or something like that. All I know is that she is the nicest lady ever. But maybe brandon knows who she is or can find out who she is. Her name is maria lucia and I don't know her last name, but she has been the brasilian champion twice, the champion of the americas in general and recently at some world competition in africa got 6th place. So that is pretty good. I think she runs like the 16k or something rediculously far like that. He was telling us that she won some kind of race that is 10k going only uphill. That made my cholesterol get goose bumps. I am going to try to teach her because she is super nice and her son wants to go on a mission now.

Also that billionaire lady I was teaching is getting baptised this week. Even though I am not there anymore it is cool. Apparently she asks about how I am every lesson, so maybe I will write her a letter. Billionaire friends can't hurt right? Especially when they are so nice.

uhhhh what else. Oh man, the other day we were in a division with other missionaries and I was in my area with an elder that is so funny and there are a lot of funny things that happened to us. At night this cockroach was on the wall and he starting yelling and I threw a shoe across the room at it to get him to be quiet (also because I didn't want it to touch me) and it dodged the shoe by FLYING. I have seen and killed quite a few of those buggers in my day, but I have never seen it fly. So it of course flew right at us and mostly right at the other missionary who huddled into a ball on the ground. In the end we killed it and then torched it with a makeshift flame thrower because as elder redford said, "COME ONE MAN, HAVEN'T YOU EVER PLAYED ZOMBIE GAMES?! YOU GOTTA LIGHT THIS CRAP ON FIRE!!!" (in a terrified voice as it was still wiggling on the ground). My other favorite quote from him that division was "what the heck is this? is this pillow full of pokémon cards?" in the middle of the night.

Then, today, me and my companion who goes home tomorrow were passing time doing blue darts waiting for a car to take us to the mission office, and he ended up pooping his pants 20 minutes before we had to leave. All in all this area is hilarious. But it isn't just that, the area is awesome to teach in. People have good comprehension of the things and are searching for the truth which makes our job soooo easy. We were knocking doors and found a big family just out of dumb luck that was saying things in the lesson like "I have always wondered which church out of all of them is really being led by God..." Lets just say I feel pretty blessed here.

One other funny thing that will happen tomorrow is I will train a new missionary. That should be a disaster. I just kind of walk around lost half of the time here and accidently run into perfect people to teach, so I guess I need to figure out how to teach other missionaries to do the same thing. The problem is, it seems like sometimes (almost all the time) the people walking around lost are literally lost and are not seeking guidance of any kind through divine means and just walk a lot doing nothing. Or they find perfect people and don't understand that well what they teach and again don't seek divine help end up not helping anyone including themselves. Hopefully he doesn't just end up doing that. Either way, I'll teach him how to light his farts on fire and play a million tricks on him and we'll be best buds.

I am mostly just excited to work in this area. It has a lot of potential. If I can stay here for a few months and not do anything stupid, I think that the Lord will help me to get some really good results here, and that is something the ward needs. There is nothig better than teaching people the true restored gospel like I am now. I love to be able to go out and testify of what I know and do what I do every day. Killing (sending home) my last comp made me appreciate it a lot more. Also the talk from Deiter F. Uchtdorf in last conference's priesthood session. I just heard it in english for the first time today, and it is good. Basically he talks a lot about people who go through the motions in life and people who love living. Both do the same work, but one is missing out on a lot. I love living how I am living. It is so nice to testify of the atoning power of the savior to people, invite them to use it in their lives, and then to see people smile at the end. A smile that comes from internal influences and not just because someone said something funny or something. It is like their inner peace that they feel and that they had never had before breaking out.

I love the work too because I know how real it all is. I wish there were a way to adequately explain how true and real it is with words, but there isn't really as far as I've seen. Attempts to tell people that I know that the savior atoned and suffered for their individual sins, that his church guided by prophets was brought back in our time, or that I know they would feel it is true if they would just kneel in humble prayer and ask God to show them would all fall flat if it wasn't for the spirit. But in those times that is when I feel for myself again and again that it is true. Not because I am a pastor who finds out the problems in someones life and uses it to make them cry and then calls it the spirit, or someone who tries to use some for of trickery to fool someone into believing, but because I actually feel the still small prescence of the spirit when I testify of these truths, teaching my heart and the hearts of those I teach the truely divine nature of these things. I know that this is God's true church, because he has told me time and time again. I know that anyone who wants to know needs only to ask their maker. I have never seen anyone ask and not recieve and answer in their own due time. Not even once. And I have tested this with thousands of different people from every background that you imagine.

Please, if you are my one of my personal friends or not, prove my words with God. I will invite you to do this until you all do it because it is what you all need most. You don't even have to tell me you did it. Just do it sincerely, and after when you get an aswer to you inquiry that you will make with God, write me a letter so we can rejoice together. Until then, I will patiently wait to get home, find every single one of you, and help you to know what I have learned in these 2 years.

I love you all. Find the truth and then never let go of it. Have a good week, and above all, STAY CLASSY.

P.S. (hey, I found these fireworks in the mens restroom, would you like to light them off with me?)

Apr 11, 2011

Embu Guaçu?‏

So I got transfered like I said last week, and I am in "the Interior" more or less. Basically I got transfered to this city called Embu Guaçu that is out in the boonies and it should be fun because there is this wierd correlation between being far away from São Paulo and the average level of education. Like in my last area it wasn't that uncommon to talk to people who can't read, and in this area it isn't that uncommon to find people who speak english. So, that is cool. Also looking out to the horizon, it is just jungle as far as the eye can see. It is super nice because the air is like 10 million times cleaner and the weather is a bit cooler, and it is just a life that is more laid back in general. Like in the favela you couldn't honestly say during any hour of day or night that you couldn't hear music, and here I can honestly say I am not hearing music and I am in a lan house in the city center. Huge difference.

But as far as the transfer is concerned it is pretty funny, my companion that I have right now is going home this weekend. He is finishing up his mission. So, I think I am going to get a record for the least time with a companion - about 12 days. He is from spokane too, so that is pretty funny. He is really funny and it is too bad that I wont pass more time than I will with him, but oh well, we'll send him out with a bang. I'll teach him how to do some funny stuff too (like blue darts) and we'll work like crazy to find some people to teach during the day. In my last area I had 5 people marked to be baptised before the end of the month, but being that this area is a bit more laid back (think about the difference between farms and a compton) we have no one as of right now. That is how it is though in the Interior, so we are just tearing it up and having fun.

The other day we were knocking on doors because we had nothing else to do, and we knocked the wholllllllle street and found a couple people that weren't really interested in hearing anything about God and a lot of people who weren't home, and then the last house we knocked the door like 4 times and decided no one was there. Just that here, we don't knock on the doors usually, we stand out front and clap because they have a psycho dog or a really tall gate or something. In this case it was a crazy dog that was sleeping by the door. So I see this bucket by the door that is laying down, and I put a rock on my foot and was like "hey, I am going to kick this rock into that bucket" to my companion, and the rock that I kicked went flying right dead center into the door. Like it couldn't have been further from the bucket and it was so freaking loud. So the dog wakes up and instantly decided it is going to bust a cap and has to decided who it is going to kill, and we got freaked out and were hoping no one is in the house because that would be super embarrassing, and then someone appeared in the door. So I just told him, "hey dude, sorry I was aiming for the bucket" and you could totally tell he was asleep. So I am thinking the dude is going to fight me, and he just calmly walks over rubbing his eyes, and is like, "next time you should use a ball instead of a rock... man, you are really red... you must be pretty embarrassed." So we laugh with him about how stupid I am for a bit, and then he is like "listen, I am reading that book of mormon you guys give to people. I am about haf way done with it. and I like it. a lot." What the heck. It was pretty cool. We are going to go to his house tonight. But when stuff like that happens I just feel retarded. I walk around like a little kid the whole day laughing and joking with people and somehow the stupid stuff that I do helps. So that is fun but also generally quite embarrassing.

Butttt the time is up. I love you all and I am going to go grill some meat with my district like MEN. Have fun this week and sorry my letter didn't make much sense, I am kinda sick.

Apr 4, 2011

April Fools‏

Well to start off, april fools was hilarious. The day really started the night before when my companion was like, " dude, I don't know what is wrong with me but I am so saddddddd." Then he didn't talk to me anymore. Then the next morning he took a shower right away and still wasn't talking to me and I was thinking it was kinda weird. Then when I went to take a shower and came out of the bathroom there was just a note that said "I'm sorry. Just don't go after me... please" and I was locked in the house and one of the rooms was locked and the keys were gone and his bags were gone.

So after analyzing the situation a bit I decided that he was probably in the locked room and if he had ran away, the cell phone was in there and I would need it. So I looked out the window to make sure he hadn't jumped out the window or anything then knocked on the door and said, "hey dude, if you're in there tell me... because I am going to count to three and then break the door..." and nothing so I was like "One... two... three..." and then stopped and listened again for anything. Nothing. So I broke the door in half with my butt (that probably looked really funny) and the part in bottom opened and I crawled in there and looked around and saw that his big bad was open and the small bag was gone and the lights were off. So I said out loud "Oh man, he freaking ran away. where is the cell phone?" and my companion jumped out yelling "PRIMEIRO DE ABRIL!!!!!!!"

After the shock settled I laughed a lot and we took pictures with the door that I broke in half. Then later that night we played a few tricks on people and got them good because everyone forgot about april 1st. We called our district leader who does our interviews when we have someone ready to be baptised and told him we had someone that we found that needed an interview THAT NIGHT and he freaked out and then we yelled april fools in his ear. Also we got a few members in the ward. Long story short, we are masters, and I broke a door in half. Good times.

Other than that it was just a normal week. I got called this morning to do a random transfer out of no where so we'll see where that goes. I think my companion is going to train an American who randomly got his visa or something. Hopefully that is what it is, because if not someone did something stupid and now is coming to my area to ruin it. Who knows. But I do know that it is me that is leaving, so that sucks. You get the best companion of your mission so far, and you end up just staying 4 weeks with him. Great. I sure it will be fun in my next area too. Sooooooooo yeah. I leave tomorrow.

Whhhhhattttttttttt else... General conference was so cool. Sadly, even though my companion has been watching conference in english since he was 12 years old, there was a mission wide rule that we were not allowed to watch conference in English. Lameeee. The translators, as incredible as they are, sometimes it becomes pretty obvious that they aren't conveying the exact feeling of the message. Jokes are generally totally lost or not translated, the tone of voice many times is not exactly conveying the feeling of the speaker, etc. But whatever. Doctrinally I got it all, I just miss their real voices and the warm way they speak. Richard G. Scott pushed it through in portuguese all by himself, but being that it was prerecorded, you could see that he explained things at a different pace. Like he was up there on the screen doing crazy stuff and grabbing his neck, then like 2 minutes later he got to that part where he was talking about a child hugging him around the neck and kissing him on the cheek. But oh well. One thing I found funny was the accents of the translators. The "famous" translators have little or no accent of any kind, buttttttttt there was one who was hard core portuguese from portugual during the news report in the middle of the sessions. So, me and my companion have been speaking like that to all the missionaries ever since. It sounds more like spanish because it is more latiny but the s's at the end of syllables are turned into SH's and some people get confused and just think we are speaking spanish and telling them to be quiet. Porrrrrrrrrrrrtugueshhhhhh.

But other than that, Not much happened. OH I FORGOT. We taught someone incredible, and I am suspicious she is the daughter of someone famous. Her name is Regina Zucchi and her mom has a million dollar apartment here above the favela, a bajillion dollar house in a crazy rich place called "Alpha Ville" and a house in Palm springs. Also her mom is american. Just search the last name in wikipedia or something and tell me if she is a billionaire's daughter or something. Regina is like 35 and just works as a airline stewardess for fun and has all that stuff. but what is better is that she told us she has been on a search for "true religion" since she was 12 and found our church because she loves doing family history, got her hands on a book of mormon and read till 2nd nephi already and converted he mom too. Basically it was the coolest experience of my mission finding her. Actually she found us. But whatever it was so cool. We go there and she is like "I have 2 questions on my mind about the church. First, how can I be baptised? Like who do I talk to? and Second, I wanted to be a missionary. But the job I get isn't important, I just want to serve for the rest of my life now that I know it is true. Like I'll scrub the floors if you want." We just stared at her and her friend for like a minute with our mouths open and then I slapped myself in the face and it was super loud and echoed in her huge apartment and was hilarious. Then everyone laughed and we kept talking and she watched conference and it was awesome. But I am kinda sad I am getting transfered because she is cool. OH WELLSSSSS

But that is it. I love you all. Have a great week. And see ya. Kbye. Kseeya. Kbye.